Under The Ground 2: Ladies And Gentlemen

It’s impossible to move more than a few metres without being announced at. The air is full of instructions and largely spurious information. The other day, walking between the Northern and Victoria lines at King’s Cross, there were no fewer than five items of fact to digest and remember. All delivered in that special lazy, slightly slimy drawl of London officialdom. “There is ay. Good service operating on thee. Piccadilly Line and. All stations aaah open”. Can’t I assume that to be the case unless you tell me otherwise? “To obtain the best price when using your Oyster card, always remember to touch in and out, especially when changing lines”. I thought I’d already got the best, or at least correct, price, and I have to touch in and out to get through the gates. And isn’t ‘especially’ included in ‘always’? Any random luggage I leave lying around “may be removed or destroyed”. Well will it or won’t it? I need to know. The other day too, assaulted by these voices, I turned into one of those mad shouters, and spent my short walk screaming “Shut up, shut up, shut up” into the air. But nobody listened.